I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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