I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
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corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
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I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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