you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
