captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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