He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
