I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
