I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize