and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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