quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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