Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
