dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
