If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
