you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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