hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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