in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
