I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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