Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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