She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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