ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
3 2 1 whiskey
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
