benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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