Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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