If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
