I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
