I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
