I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
