Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
