Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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