So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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