Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
