Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
