Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
