i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
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I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
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Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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