After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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