I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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