I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
