I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
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Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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