and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
