just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
