i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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