something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
