how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
