Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
