Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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