The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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