Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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