hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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