If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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