a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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