dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
