mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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