I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
