So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
