dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
