Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize