I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
