I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
