You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
