I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
