I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is wine microwaveable?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
