It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
