We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
