I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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