I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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